I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
