I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
