1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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