Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
