dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
