Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have post one night stand depression
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