Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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