i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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