nut hugger
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
