is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
