ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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