Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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