____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
