In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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