Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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