I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
