Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
