I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
