I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize