So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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