She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
