Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she looked like the before picture.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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