Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
