You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
