So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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