are you still at the devil's house?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
