If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
