you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
