Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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