So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
