Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
