If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
