It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
