He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
