i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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