just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
