Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize