I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize