Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
