they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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