Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pants are for mortals
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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