im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
