90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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