Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
