dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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