i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
