After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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