so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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