Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
