false alarm. still invincible.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That accounts for only three of the penises
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
