I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
