apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
