I hate your face
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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