I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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