we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
