my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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