Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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