my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
