dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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